Inanimate
by silverdance
Summary: Suffering from social anxiety, Bella has been invisible her entire life. It's her sophomore year in highschool, will the new student Edward help her overcome her fears? A short story about teenage alienation.
1. Monday

**1.**

**Monday**

Today is the first day of my sophomore year in high school.

From the moment I awkwardly push through the front doors I realise nothing has changed; girls embracing their friends, bragging about their amazing summers and catching up on the latest gossip.

It's times like this when I hear the pointless, hurtful and repetitive rumours, that I am glad I'm not a part of these superficial friendships.

_Right... whatever you say._

I tell the little voice in my head to shut the hell up. It always seems to vocalize that part deep inside of me that would rather have fake, boring friends than no friends at all.

My name is Bella Swan and to sum me up, I'm invisible. Brown eyes, brown hair and pale skin... exciting right?

I have been a loner my whole life, ever since my childhood. My parents tried to take me to child psychologists but eventually they gave up.

They all said the same thing; I suffer from some sort of chronic shyness or social phobia. Five years of study to tell me that? I could have figured that out all on my own.

After a quick stop at my locker I make my way to English with my face practically parallel to the floor. I bump into someone and raise my head to see who it was while mumbling a quiet apology. It's Alice Brandon; she is a short, petite girl with a dark pixie hairstyle who would be classified as a 'popular girl'.

"Ugh, those fucking bookcases they always seem to jump out of nowhere," she complains to her group of friends while rubbing her shoulder.

Are you serious?

Is this some lame teen movie where I'll end up getting a make-over and become popular?

_Ha, I wish. _

I thought in real life people don't mistake human beings for inanimate objects.

I go take a seat at the back and don't even put in any effort to stay invisible, after all this time it just comes naturally.

I sit alone in all of my classes for the rest of the day, like I said, nothing has changed.

**A/N: This is just a short story I was compelled to write, Thanks for reading.**


	2. Tuesday

**2.**

**Tuesday**

I am currently sitting in English playing with the binder on my folder while my teacher tries to explain something to the class. What that is; I'm really not sure.

My fellow classmates are in the midst of either loud conversations or not paying attention. This teacher really has no control.

"Excuse Me!" she abruptly raises her voice, "Did I give you an invitation to talk?"

_Oh so you need an invitation now, what happened to good old fashioned raising your hand? Hmm, Guess I don't need to worry about that anyway._

"Hey, do you have a pen I could borrow?"

Wow. It amazes me that we are sitting in a school yet these people I'm supposed to call my peers can't even bring a pen to class.

"Uh, hello?"

Wait is he talking to me?

I look up and see Jasper Whitlock staring straight at me, my breathing picks up slightly and my throats constricts.

He has wavy, dirty blonde hair along with a pair of ocean blue eyes that sparkle. He moved here from Texas when he was ten so he speaks with a hint of a southern drawl that makes the girls swoon. Too bad he is already taken by Alice Brandon and is a part of the exclusive 'popular group'.

I've imagined a situation like this before.

In my little fantasy I reply back, we get to talking and eventually develop a beautiful friendship and frolic in a field of daisies.

Unfortunately I'm sitting here gaping and Jasper is looking at me like I'm an idiot.

I hastily grab a spare pen and hesitantly pass it to Jasper.

"Thanks" he replies "So, are you new to town?"

_No Jasper, I've only been in your class since fourth grade._

I look down and shake my head while he starts to copy down notes from the board.

I hate my life.


	3. Wednesday

**3.**

**Wednesday**

Maths..._Sigh._

My worst subject, it is way over my head. Ask me to write a five hundred word essay on the themes in East of Eden and it will be on your desk the next morning, but don't ask me to put two and two together.

To make it worse my teacher, Mr. Henry, absolutely hates me and is the only teacher that deliberately tries to make me uncomfortable.

_Condescending Bitch_

"Alright, open your text books to chapter five, trigonometry" he starts the lesson a little too enthusiastically.

A chorus of groans and complaints erupts throughout the room.

"Enough! Whinging like a bunch of kindergarteners isn't going to get you out of the curriculum that's already been planned."

I roll my eyes.

About half way through the lesson I hear Mr. Henry call on me.

"Isabella Swan," I hate the way he says my name, all drawn out and loud. "Could you please explain to the rest of the class how to solve the problem on the board?"

I am frozen and I am sure my throat has closed up completely.

Everyone in the room is staring at me and I'm not sure whether it's because they are waiting for the answer or they just discovered there is a girl in their class called Bella.

My breath is racing and I feel like I'm struggling to get any oxygen in to my lungs. My chest is constricting and I feel like I'm going to collapse even though I'm already sitting down.

I just stare at him, why can't I open my damn mouth?

I mentally try my hardest to at least get out that I don't know the answer, but I can't.

My eyebrows knit in frustration.

I'm so overwhelmed that I can hear blood pounding in my ears and feel a panic attack coming on.

He's still staring at me, waiting.

"That's it Swan!" he suddenly shouts, causing me to jump in my seat. "I'm sick and tired of your attitude and lack of participation in class discussions. You don't even have the decent respect to answer when I ask you a question."

He tells me to go to the assistant principal's office. My eyes are wide and I feel like I might start hyperventilating.

I nervously gather my things and stumble out of the classroom as quickly as I can while I maintain eye contact with the floor.

Twenty minutes later I have been tortured with a lecture that was a little too calm and gentle and managed to get away with just a warning. I don't like when people take pity on me but I guess it works in my favour.

* * *

That night I build the courage to go talk to my parents. They are in the kitchen, my mom is preparing dinner and my dad is reading some magazine at the kitchen bench. It's a rare thing to see both my parents at home since they work so much.

I approach them and they both look up.

"Hey sweetie how was school today?" my mother Renee asks.

_School,_ exactly what I need to talk about.

"U-Um... yeah I-it was..." I clear my throat. "Alright."

"Is everything okay Bells?" my father asks.

"Well actually..." I trail off.

I stare at them.

I want to tell them about my fears of speaking, how I hate school and my maths teacher.

But then I remember how they don't understand me, how no one understands me.

"Yes honey?" my mom pushes.

"Nothing" I say before I rush as quickly as I can, while trying to look collected to bedroom. I am determined to not let the tears fall until I am locked away in my own space.

I shut my door and lean back against it, I squeeze my eyes shut trying to gain control over my emotions.

I hate that I'm incapable of communicating like a normal person.

I hate that I have some deformed and messed up brain.

And what hurts the most is I find myself having a conversation with my journal every night, an inanimate object, just like me.

It's my only friend.

I hear my parents talking down the hall...

"Where did we go wrong?"

That's all it takes for me to sink to the floor and let the chest wrenching sobs to consume me.


	4. Thursday

**4.**

**Thursday**

I wish that whoever came up with the bright idea of bottom lockers was abolished.

First of all I couldn't get my combination to work, and now I'm trying to gather all my stuff for biology while attempting to balance in a crouching position using my 'non-existent' expert skills. Keyword: non-existent.

Finally getting everything I need, I lock my locker and stand up.

I barely walk two steps before I break my stride and somehow trip over my own feet. My books go everywhere and I face plant straight into the cold, hard floor.

_You know, I thought I'd try and blend in._

I return to my vertical position as quickly as possible and take a glance around. People have stopped their conversations to look my way and Jessica Stanley and her group laugh as they walk by.

I'm humiliated.

A girl from my history class, Angela Webber I think her name is, helps me pick up my books. I thank her and offer a small smile before I power walk to biology.

Does someone up there think I'm some sort of joke? First giving me the incapability to talk, and now I can't even walk.

I end up being late to biology and the last seat is next to Tanya Denali. Tanya is part of that group you always see travelling in threes, so she was turned in her chair chatting away with her two best friends behind us.

I reluctantly sit beside her and slide my chair as far away as possible.

Mr. Banner calls the class to attention and that's when Tanya realises just exactly who she's sitting next to. She gives me a look that practically says _"ugh why do I have to sit next to you?"_

Her friends behind us snicker and Tanya turns back to smirk at them.

I suddenly become very nervous.

I stare down at my book and draw useless pictures with my liquid paper.

I hadn't even been paying attention, but then Mr. Banner is standing at our table handing us a sheet and telling us we are lab partners for the rest of the semester.

Tanya is quick to protest and claims she can work as a three with Lauren and Jessica.

I should be used to situations like this, but it still hurts. I mean she is practically begging the teacher to not work with me.

"I'm sorry Tanya but you have to work with Bryony" Mr Banner declines.

_Bryony... Gee Thanks for that, great day for me._

However I don't correct him.

Tanya unwillingly turns to me and asks "so... Bryony, should we go to your house or mine for this stupid assignment?"

My House?

My House! I couldn't have her at my house! That is too embarrassing.

"I can d-do my part by m-myself, I don't care if I have to do more w-work" I quietly stutter.

She looks at me like I've got three heads and then shrugs.

Here I am complaining about not having any friends, yet I always seem to willingly remove myself from opportunities to make some.

I can't help it... It's out of my control.


	5. Friday

**5.**

**Friday**

It's one of those rare sunny days here in Forks, Washington and a beam of bright sunlight is streaming through my bedroom window.

I'm sprawled across my bed flipping through the thick pages of one of my mom's scrapbooks.

I study the photos that fill the pages and see numerous memories of my childhood frozen in time.

But that's the thing; I don't remember any of it. I know it's not unusual for people to forget a lot of the things they experience as a child however most people can recognize a face or a place.

For me, everything that happened before I was nine is just another story. My memory is blank and it frightens me. I can't shake the feeling that there is a reason I'm blocking it all out, that maybe it's the reason why I am the person I am today.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare.

_I was surrounded by darkness, I couldn't see a thing. I felt suffocated and uncomfortable._

_I struggled against the invisible force holding me down but fail miserably. _

_The last thing I hear before I am startled awake is a gentle yet forceful whisper_

"_Talk to me beautiful..."_

These nightmares are familiar but I've never been spoken to in them.

When I was twelve I tried to rediscover my past but eventually gave up due to frustration. I was only twelve though and honestly didn't have a clue about what the hell I was doing.

Now that I'm older and after that dream last night, my desire to ascertain my past has grown and I am determined to achieve it.

I am pulled from my reverie when I hear a knock on my door.

I quickly snap the album shut, hide it under my bed and run to open my door.

I find my mom standing there with some sort of goofy smile on her face.

"Good morning beautiful,"

I cringe at her choice of endearment.

"It's a beautiful day isn't it? I don't have to go into work till noon so I can give you a lift to school,"

I give a small smile and then reply, "Thanks, just let me get my bag,"

I grab my bag off the end of my bed and head out with mom.

It _is _a beautiful day and I don't like it, it's just another way for me to not fit in.

* * *

I'm sitting in geography, staring off into space when the door opens and in walks a guy. He has messy bronze hair and piercing green eyes but that isn't the thing I noticed first.

The first thing I notice is that he is carrying a copy of 'East of Eden' by John Steinbeck. I had seen him all of thirty seconds and I already like him better than everyone in this school.

He is new to town and the teacher introduces him as Edward Cullen. He smiles awkwardly at the class and runs a hand through his hair.

The teacher tells him to take a seat wherever he likes and I see him approaching my table with a small smile.

Okay queue panic attack...

Why do I feel so calm?

Okay this is definitely a new occurrence.

I think not having a panic attack may just trigger a panic attack.

He sits beside me and smiles before looking back to the front of the class.

I notice how defined his jaw is and how I've never seen eyes as gorgeous as his.

"You're reading East of Eden?"

Hang on who said that?

Wait was that... was that me?

Did I actually just form a sentence and speak it to someone without being asked a question?

"Yeah, I know it's kind of lame and all that-..." he replies but I cut him off.

"No it's not lame; it's actually my favourite book... like of all time."

He grins "It's mine too; I think I've read it about two hundred and eighty four times," he chuckles. "I'm Edward, what's your name?" he continues.

That reminds me of something.

"Can you excuse me for a sec?" I say to him.

I spin around in my chair and face Tanya from my biology class.

"Tanya?" I ask.

She raises one eyebrow "Yeah?"

"My name is Bella... not Bryony"


	6. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**-Bella-**

"Come on Bella!"

"No."

"It's not that big of a deal! It's just a dance, it's not prom."

"I don't care, there's no way I am going to that thing."

This has been going on for about three days. Rosalie has been begging me to attend the ridiculous sophomore dance.

I don't dance.

I can't even walk.

My sophomore year has been pretty eventful, and I want to celebrate it, just not by dancing with a bunch of people I don't like.

Two weeks after I first met Edward Cullen, we sat together in all the classes we had together and would pretty much talk nonstop.

At first I was still awkward and quiet; however there is something about Edward that makes me feel comfortable in his presence. He brings out a confidence in me, and all the previous fears and worries I had, he helps me overcome.

I'm still very abnormal, but at least I have someone to talk to about it with now. Being strange and dealing with fears is easier with someone by your side.

Along with Edward came his sister, Rosalie Cullen.

She has long blonde hair, looks like a supermodel and is extremely outspoken, but I've grown to love her. She is my best friend after Edward; however Edward and I share a deeper connection and are a lot closer.

"Seriously Bella, it will be so much fun! You, me and Alice getting dressed up and everything," she tries to persuade me.

"Wow, you really don't know me at all do you?" I reply.

Dressing up?

No thanks.

Alice Brandon?

_Uncomfortable..._

Rosalie and Alice are friends, which makes me Alice's friend via connection.

Alice Brandon is small but extremely intimidating to me.

She is kind around me but I am a shy an awkward, stuttering mess around her.

I prefer just spending time with Rosalie, no need to add Alice.

Oh yeah speaking of Rosalie maybe I should pay attention to her rambling.

"... Hair, make-up," she picks up my hand and gives a wide smile, "Nails!"

I instantly snatch my hand away from her and feel my heart rate pick up.

Not again...

"Oh, I'm so sorry Bella I wasn't thinking" she apologises.

"No," I look down at the floor and feel my eyebrows knit in frustration. "It's not your fault."

I feel two arms wrap around my waist from behind. It doesn't surprise me; I can recognize his footsteps anywhere.

"Stop touching my best friend, Rose," Edward tells Rosalie.

"Shut up, just because you two share some freaky, comfort connection thingy," she retorts.

"You're just jealous," he smirks.

I really hate it when they talk about my 'issues' so casually.

You see, whenever anyone touches me, even in the slightest way, I always recoil. I don't mean it; it's just some involuntary reaction that I have no control over.

This year we discovered that this does not apply to Edward.

I roll my eyes, grab Edwards's hands and extract them from around my waist.

"I thought you were going out to play pool with Jasper and Emmett," I tell him.

"I was but, don't feel like it," he explains. "What have you two got planned?"

"Nothing much really, probably watch a DVD or something," Rosalie says.

"You do know the only reason my dad relented so quickly for me to sleep over is because you weren't meant to be here," I tell Edward.

"Well Daddy Swan never has to know, does he?" he winks.

I roll my eyes at him.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me," he jokes. "Come on Swan, time to watch a movie," he says as he wraps an arm around my shoulder and leads me to the Cullen's theatre room.

* * *

That night as I'm lying in Rosalie's spare bed in her room I reflect on the past year.

I think about how drastically my life has changed since Edward entered it. How much my confidence has increased and how much more I am capable of doing.

I drift off to sleep in amazement that I have a best friend that means the absolute world to me.

_Suffocating_

_Trapped_

_Hot Breath in my ear_

_Paralysed in fear_

_Unable to Move_

"_Talk to me beautiful..."_

"_Let me hear your beautiful voice..."_

I wake up suddenly with tears running down my face and a scream trapped in my throat.

My face is buried in my pillow and my hand holds the blanket firmly over my head.

I am shaking so agonizingly that convulsions would be a better description.

I peek out from under my covers to look at the clock on the nightstand, 3:13am it displays in bright neon green.

Without even consciously deciding, I gather up the courage to get out of that room and my legs somehow take me all the way to Edward's bedroom door.

I slowly push the door open, step inside and close it after me. I tip-toe over to the side of his bed, tears staining my cheeks and an occasional sob making its way passed my lips.

Edward is sprawled across his double bed and I feel heat rush to my cheeks as I realise he is shirtless.

What am I doing? I have no idea.

I gently shove his shoulder, "Edward!" I whisper.

He stirs and mumbles something unintelligibly.

"Edward!" I urge again followed by an embarrassing sniffle.

He rolls over, "hmm... Bella?" He opens his eyes and it takes him a couple seconds to realise the state I'm in.

"What's wrong?" he asks in alarm.

The concern written all over his face makes me break down and I am suddenly crying uncontrollably.

He scoots over and pulls down the covers as an invitation to hop in.

I jump in and immediately snuggle up to him, somehow through the tears and sobs I manage to say 'nightmare'.

"Shh, you're okay, it's alright," he comforts me. "I've got you."

I start to calm down and revel in the warmth and safety of his embrace.

Deep down the fact that I rely on Edward too much scares me. I can't help but fear that one day he won't be there and I'll fall apart.

But for now I push those thoughts away and fall asleep in my best friend's arms.

**-Edward-**

As I hold her in my arms, I realise I'm falling in love with my best friend.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, author's note next chapter.**


	7. Author's Note

**A/N: Remember high school is just a moment, bad days will hurry by.**

**Thank you to everyone who read this story and gave it a chance. Also an extra thank you is required to everyone who reviewed.**

**Thank you to americnxidiot for recommending this story on twitter and everything else :)**

**In regards to a sequel, some of you may know I started one. I actually pulled it from the site because I wasn't happy with it; it kept me up at night to know something I didn't have any passion for was sitting up on the net for anyone to read.**

**At the moment I don't have any plans to continue writing a sequel in the near future but I definitely would like to one day, when I am compelled to.**

**I have a couple other story ideas that I have been writing bits and pieces about and when one of them because substantial enough to post, I will.**

**Follow me on twitter: silverdance_ff**

**Thanks again,**

**silverdance**


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